OK, So here is a bit I wrote that I thought this thread may enjoy.. If you were raised as a JW....You will understand! Talk about why we were so socially retarded. Dont criticize too harsh.
So here I go every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday to the Kingdom Hall. Four hours of door knocking on Saturday and a grand total of ninety hours a month preaching Gods? word via these attractive brochures. Before I went to school I had been giving speeches, talks, in this school called the Theocratic Ministry School for at least a year prior. The parts I did consisted of five minutes of me talking to an older woman about God. Now, it did not matter how appropriate the subject because the subject was all predetermined. You found out what point you were working on out of this little book. You presented the material in the manner requested.
Here it is, I have a ?talk? tonight. I am working on volume and pausing correctly. That is one of your first items on your list to becoming a well rounded speaker. I am about five or six years old and tonight I am going to teach an older woman that I have encountered while doing ?field service?, (AKA door knocking) about fornication and keeping the marriage bed clean. Yeah, no joke here, this is serious business because I want her to live forever on a paradise earth. In five minutes I had read three scriptures, overcome her objections, placed two sets of magazines, this months and last months and obtained the proper payment. I believe it was fifteen cents back then. I also had started a Bible study. Yuppa, that was me, Ms. Fornication expert at five years of age. I think the afro really sold her. How could she not convert with such a child with fashion sense? Everyone applauded. I sure could preach.
I did so well that I got to go see one of my favorite families the Browns. I swear they were the only black people in town and I loved them. With only around ten kids running around plus our four, it was a blast. We would go to the back room and get our groove on with all the Motown forty fives. The bump, the stroll, anything that wasn?t too loose would do. We had to make sure the words were appropriate to Godlike actions you know!
My mom would go to the extremes when it came to keeping ?the world? out of our lives. The world was everyone who was not one of Jehovah?s Witnesses and was not going to get eternal life right here on this very planet. So worldly influences were out and with that went any hopes I had of us getting a TV. I sure did love it on Saturday morning when I would be going ?door to door? with my mom and a carload of people and my mom would find a ?sheep?. A sheep is someone who has sheep like personalities and is willing to let God lead them. Or at least let my mom talk for a long time. It also is a very good possibility that they were very bad at hiding or their kids ratted them out and they were forced to talk to the Bible thumpers. This meant I could peak carefully and see the TV through the screen door. Yes!! I had won the jackpot. If it was a really good ?call?, I could actually see Scooby Do, the demonized show. It had ghost, demons, witches, spirit-ism and mystery. I had to act like I did not like the demon show and every once in a while read a scripture my mom would have me look up. Thus I became very adept at multi-asking. One eye on the TV, one on the Bible, one on all the roaches that were running around on this sheep like person?s floor and one on the cake made with real sugar, (REAL SUGAR) that this sheep was offering me. I was such a shy girl that I was afraid to take it and I turned her down on her cake offer. Till this day at thirty three years of age I still kick myself for being too shy to take that chocolate cake. No amount of my mom?s whole wheat, egg substitute, and old banana bread cake could ever replace the image in my head of that sinful downright fornicating good cake.
Well back to school. There I had to be a JW (Jehovah?s Witness) also. It was a way of life. I can still come up with a presentation to place a Watchtower or Awake in about 2 second flat. I would go to my ?territory? (this is the place you find sheep like people in) and if I was quiet enough I could get out of the doghouse. It never failed that I would just get out of that blasted doghouse and back to the class and ?Oh Hell, double sixes, someone would have a birthday. Double damn it, once again I would have to speak up and say how I did not celebrate birthdays and ask to be excused to go to the library or doghouse, take your pick. I wasn?t eating any of that birthday cake. It was the food of the Devils celebration. To eat of it would mean that I had celebrated a birthday. Only three birthdays are mentioned in the Bible and at two of them people were beheaded and I think at the other one there must have been fornication because I could not have one. Seeing that the only birthdays mentioned in the Bible had bad outcomes, well then birthdays must be bad. Besides Jesus said it was better on the day of a man?s death, blah, blah. So when I die ?CAN I PLEASE HAVE CHOCOLATE CAKE?? With real chocolate not that carob stuff?
