social retard (page 2)

Big Dog

Merry, Merry, you are certainly not contrary. I think you have a wonderful sense of humor and personality. You do just fine here on the board, don't be too tough on yourself. I understand it can be different in person, maybe just imagine when that happens that you are here on the board and just let it flow.

That being said I certainly thing being a Dub could screw you up socially. I think as far as stuff going on socially it varied greatly, I knew of congregations like what Jez was describing that did all sorts of social things while others were one step away from an Amish like atomosphere. The hall I grew up in was totally dead socially, while one that my cousins went to was like what Jez was describing and seemed like another world to me.

Jez

Crumpet: I am surprised that there were not more gatherings in other congregations. Maybe the 80s in my congregation were a good time. I had 4 other siblings, there were alot of bad-ass teens in the congregation at that time and we did alot of good/cool things, and a few naughty as well. Our parents could not have stopped us if they tried, then again, maybe they were living a double life as well on the side?!?!

I am truly sorry for anyone that feels they were stunted in their social growth from being one of JWs. One duty of a parent is to keep their kids active, busy and plugged in. Here are some suggestions Mary:

Find your local volunteer bureau and go do something that you would love, meet ppl that way.

Buy a moterbike...lol...wait, that is just me...meet ppl through a hobby you love.

Go to a church, just for the social thang.

I am on the executive council for one of my community's social activities.

Most of all: learn to love yourself and that alone will be infectious to others.

((to all social retards)) Jez

Odrade

Merry, you are exactly right. Jez is too, in her own way.... but Jez, you are forgetting that the few pretty/popular ones in the congregations do have something resembling a normal social life. If you are not the most outgoing, being a JW meant that you were still "in the group" by default.

I see the perfect example of this with me and my husband. I'm very outgoing, so though I'm handicapped a little by how automatic social life was as a JW, I get along alright now. I naturally seek out people, crowds, groups, etc, and I talk to basically everyone. I have a nice circle of friends that I've cultivated, although I have to remind myself that real friends are not bothered if I call just to chat and not because I have some "arrangements" to make. LOL

My husband, OTOH, is much more introverted than I am (dare we say reclusive?ha!) He was a part of the group at the hall just because that's the way it is done. He has no point of reference to actively making new friends, it's really something that happens by default. Though he is really nice and a super interesting person, and people like him, he has very few "friends," that he socializes with, and he never makes or receives phone calls. Some might say that's because of his personality, well, some... but we've discussed how the default friendships at the hall have messed up his perception of social interaction.

Being a JW makes you suspicious by nature of anyone "outside the group." If you are a regular meeting attender you have a built in social group. You see your friends 3-4 times a week on the default setting, and they practically HAVE to talk to you, whether or not in a normal situation you would all be friends.

You're forced to be friends with people you think are numbnuts, because they are your "brothers." If you are unlucky enough to be in a cong where there is no one in your age-group, you develop superficial friendships with people who are again different from normal social interactions. AND there is the ever-present threat that one of your best friends someday will betray you to the elders if you make a mis-step according to their doctrine, so you never can truly get close to anyone, and you never can truly trust anyone. Oh, count the ways being in a cult screws with the social life.

I'm sorry Merry. It's hard to get past. You have to make a huge effort. I joined a couple of hobby clubs when I got out. I figured the clubs would give an automatic common ground so I could meet new people and have something to talk about. As outgoing as I am, I still needed a gimmick when I left the JWs so I could develop a social life.

We got screwed.

O

diamondblue1974

Could it be anything else that causes you to be a bit of a recluse? It is easy to blame everything on living the life of a JW, but it COULD be other reasons as well.

Way below the belt Jez, try and be a little more sensitive to other peoples upbringings and environments; not everyones childhood was as utopian as yours; I am sure you are not but your post makes you sound like the shallow ms doublelife of the congregation.

Grow up.

the_classicist

And IMPROV is HARD.

You're right! I always draw blanks when I really need to talk. But what can we do? As hard as improv is, learning how to improv is even harder.

Jez

maybe if I had been brought up in a loving family

LOL. That certainly was NOT my situation.

I was NOT a hypocrite. I lived true to myself my teen years. If you assume things about other ppl, you will get upset over postings because you will be applying your experience to others situations.

Jez

Way below the belt Jez, try and be a little more sensitive to other peoples upbringings and environments; not everyones childhood was as utopian as yours; I am sure you are not but your post makes you sound like the shallow ms doublelife of the congregation.
Grow up.

Diamond: Give over! LOL. I am simply offering another alternative. Don't TELL me to try and be a little more sensitive. Don't TELL me that my childhood was utopian. Grow up? Offering another point of view is a healthy way of seeing different perspectives thereby gaining more understanding of your own situation. Not everyone grew up a JW retard. Why are ppl so afraid and so ready to attack anyone that does not neatly fit into their preconcieved notions of what a JW is/should be/will be??????????

Jez

Odrade

Not everyone grew up a JW retard. Why are ppl so afraid and so ready to attack anyone that does not neatly fit into their preconcieved notions of what a JW is/should be/will be??????????

God, Jez, read your own words... you said it. My congregation was not like yours either. There were very few mixed social activities after the age of about 10. Too much "chance for wrongdoing." I did not lead a double life and would never have dreamed of going out behind my parents' back for social time. The few times someone tried to arrange social events for teens, it was promptly quashed by the elders--especially my own father.

Sure there were baseball games occasionally in the summer, and there was always "field service..."

You think you escaped unscathed socially, but maybe you should go back through this thread and some of your other postings with a critical eye. You didn't.

Whiskeyjack

Merry and Crumpet,

You guys aren't really that weird (well just a little!).

It took a lot of years of work for me in regards to friendship building department of life. My folks were hardcore and there was no "clean" association in our hall (even the elders' kids in my age group) while school associations were not on! Our parents now admit that it negatively impacted on all the kids' social development to varying degrees. I still feel a little "strange" sometimes trying to explain the way I am to "worldy" friends.

That said, it is something one has to work on constantly. I actually ended up with a couple of good friends from a cooking class I joined a couple of years ago! Ya gotta be "out there" and we were trained to be too passive when it came to personal fulfillment (hobbies, personal interest education, etc...) and its hard to shake those behaviours. (I still have some of the "God's only people"arrogance left!).

This is a very common "challenge" for most of us I think.

W.

Wild_Thing

Another problem that I personally experienced growing up as a witness is that you had to be a certain kind of witness in order to be accepted into the social activities as the JW, as well. If you do not come from a strong spiritual family who are elders, pioneers, and servants, then you are not as easily accepted. And if you have problems in your family that do not reflect the perfect JW family lifestyle, forget it!

I experieced both. I was an elder's daughter and my mother was a regular pioneer. In fact, I was a regular pinoeer myself when I was a teenager. One day, our family double life was exposed and everyone found out we did not have the perfect family home life that everyone thought. After that, things changed and we were treated as social rejects, even by JW standards.

I see the same thing happening now with my teenage neice. She is not accepted by her supposed peers at the Kingdom Hall because they all come from two parent strong families, and most of them are homeschooled. At the same time, she is not allowed to have friends outside the org, so where does that leave her? As a social retard ... that's where.

social retard

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