social retard (page 11)

prophecor

Thanks GBL , though it was a private moment, just between myself and him, it was a liberating moment. I'm so conditioned to keeping myself held hostage from the rest of the world, like being trapped in a bubble, with out the ability to break thru to reality, heavily guarded. But I slice away at every opportunity I can to acquire normalcy.

under74

Wow...late to another good thread.

I think I ended up at this forum because I was trying to figure out why I've had this struggle with social skills (that and not being able to speak to anyone outside my family about being brought up a JW)...why some days I struggle just to contribute to a conversation with someone I don't know, why I find it so hard sometimes speak to people i don't know and also why I can write people off so easily (if a friend screws up and pisses me off, I've been known to cut them off)....it shouldn't be so easy, you know?

Some days are better than others and it's gotten better over time but I still haven't got passed it.

Anyway, I've enjoyed reading this thread Merry and have identified with much that's been written here.

Black Sheep

Here I was sitting and wondering why I have such a hard time meeting new people, making friends, thinking of relevent things to say, and so on. It really is painful and scary for me. Then it occurred to me: growing up JW all my interactions were carefully scripted for me.
I was told who I could talk to, who I couldn't talk to, what I could say, what I couldn't say. I was directed in what to think, feel, and do. And if I messed up somebody corrected me.

That certainly rings a bell for me.

Being an only child (busted condom, I reckon) because my parents knew paradise was 'soon' didn't help much either.

It is hard work getting over it, but I am managing with some success.

Chris

Apathy

You're forced to be friends with people you think are numbnuts, because they are your "brothers." If you are unlucky enough to be in a cong where there is no one in your age-group, you develop superficial friendships with people who are again different from normal social interactions. AND there is the ever-present threat that one of your best friends someday will betray you to the elders if you make a mis-step according to their doctrine, so you never can truly get close to anyone, and you never can truly trust anyone. Oh, count the ways being in a cult screws with the social life.

That is exactly the way it is. In my congregation, I have three choices. I can either be friends with the bitchy and moronic teens, the bitchy and moronic pre-teens, or the just plain moronic adults. I chose the bitchy and moronic pre-teens, but since they are now becoming teens, they're choosing to hang out with the other teens, because, quite frankly, we have nothing in common. Which leaves me stuck talking to sixty-year old women. While I admit it's okay in short bursts, it's just not normal. You can't really talk to them.

A while back, I made friends with a girl named Tosha. Tosha had the misfortune of being a foster child to a dub. For a while, the cult sucked Tosh in, but by the time we became friends, neither of us believed in it. Tosh was cool, in a skanky way, and we had fun talking, dissing the elders and the religion, and being vaugely normal. Unfortuntely, Tosha got pregnant, and disappeared off the face of the planet. I can't get in touch with her, and she can't get in touch with me.

And thus ends the only real friendship I ever had at The Hall. So.. yeah. I find myself with the same problem. I can't act like a normal teen. I'm used to either acting far more immature than I am so I'll fit in with the pre-teens, or acting far more mature so I'll fit in with the older people. Naturally, this did wonders for my social life at school. However, I'm homeschooled now. Which isn't going to help my weird social skills, but it can't hurt them too much.

Oh well. Least I can still socialize online.

- <3<3 'Thy

mouthy

numbnuts?????You're forced to be friends with people you think are numbnuts

There you go talking about me again BOO HOO

MerryMagdalene

There, there now, Mouthy~ dry your tears. I'm sure your nuts are anything but numb

I'm just overwhelmed by all the different experiences, all the different points of view, all linked by one common thread ~ how we were effected socially by the process of being constantly molded into better and better sales reps for a totally out-of-touch religious corporation.

I loved what you wrote, Sparkplug!!! You express yourself wonderfully. I'm in awe.

Welcome, "Dr" EvilForce Hello, Apathy

Prophecor, thank you for sharing one more moment in your quest for healing ands growth that many of us can identify with

For myself, I have been pushing the envelope constantly lately. And although I do still have a nasty voice in my head that tries to push me back in my box, that constantly judges and ridicules me, I'm squashing that bug every chance I get

I'm meeting new people who don't judge me nearly as harshly as I judge myself (or even at all). I'm honest about how I'm feeling and why and I have found them to be very understanding and encouraging and accepting. And I am slowly developing some confidence and learning to relax. I still have trouble figuring out how to appropriately read and respond to certain situations, but I'm learning.

~Merry

and, yes, I refuse to change my Avatar because it is so very me...and I like me

stopthepain

JWD.com rules!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great thread MM.I agree that this was a great exchange.I'm so thanful i'm not involved with a fanatical religion anymore.Freedom of expression feels great! stp

Taylor S.

Merry ... I agree. And all this time, I just thought I needed PAXIL.

Jez

The "not trusting anyone" comments are very enlightening. I too, don't trust ppl. I have mentioned on this board before my belief that we are truly alone in this world. That the only person you can 100% rely on is yourself. I have always attributed that feeling to the pain I felt in my first marriage, but perhaps it is more. I am going to think about that for a while.

Ok, a little risk on my part, something I don't do...but here goes, all our lives we were told to go to the door, say our speech, try to place mags, books, get a RV, try to get a study etc. I have spend thousands of hours sitting in/at ppl's houses talking to them. TALKING TO THEM. TO THEM. AT THEM. Oh yes, we tricked them into thinking we actually cared about their opinions and thoughts but in reality, it was US that had the answers, US that had something worth saying and worth teaching. We allowed them to speak, but it was bait for the next thing that we had to say. We allowed them to have an opinion but had our 'toolbox' of answers to every single contraditions, different point of view, etc My worse fear in the whole world at those times was not being able to find the answer quick enough, I always assumed that it was THERE, any deficiency was mine. I assumed that everything I said was worth more than what they said. The poor saps never knew that did not stand a chance if they came up against me and my truth. I was conditioned to think that they were lost, looking, and blind even if they would not admit it. While I was the all-knowing mouthpiece for GOD himself...what arrogance! Now, between you and me, I am very aware of this and constantly work on trying not to have all the answers, try not to be too arrogant, try to actually listen and respect others differences. I am now way sensitive to people that do not respect differences, ideas, opinions of others. I was conditioned socially to always have the upper hand in conversations, always be ready with a come-back, (thanks 'reasoning from the scriptures), remember the 'conversation stoppers'?, how to refute them?

"I have my own religion" "That is great that you show an interest in God, many people don't nowadays, have you ever considered what God's purpose is for the earth?"

"I am not interested" "Is it Jehovah's Witnesses that you are not interested in, or religion in general?" OR "Would you be interested if I could tell you how you could live forever on earth?"

I don't know if I can ever get that out of me. But I am aware of it, and maybe that is the first step. It is why sometimes I tell my wonderful loving understanding husband, "I don't want to be a JW, but I am afraid that I will never not be one." He just holds me while I cry.

Jez

MerryMagdalene

I hear ya (((Jez)))

~Merry

social retard

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