If your mate, had an affair, what would you do ??? really, think it out ... (page 10)

unbeliever

It's impossible to forget IMO. I've been cheated on and posts like these remind me of it but there is not that physical pain there used to be in my stomach when I would think about it. Some how I was able to get passed it. Counseling has helped me with some issues I've had. Maybe it can help you. That is all I am saying. A counselor is not there is judge you. Please don't let the JW thing hold you back.

LittleToe

There's two votes from the Caring professions - one from a neuro-surgeon and one from an NHS manager.
One could be sceptical and suggest that it's feeding the Healthcare provision

Cummon, giz ya mullah!!!
£$£$£$£$
LOL

target

Still

Do you understand why your wife had the affair and what affect it has had on her? Do you know how she feels about herself as a result? Sometimes understanding that changes how it affects you.

In my own case, the reason went way back to my early childhood, it was not just about my husband. It was a void my parents created and my husband could not fill it, although he did add to it. Perhaps there is a bigger picture there that you need to look at. Maybe it was not about you.

Target

stillajwexelder

Do you understand why your wife had the affair

Yes I was actively perusing a career, studying at college and studying to be a witness (she was not at the time) and I was not giving her the attention she needed/deserved

Doubtfully Yours

I'd be extremelly hurt. However, I'd file for a divorce on grounds of adultery.

I've been hurt before. I'll get over it, however long it takes, and be able to love again.

DY

Englishman

When my ex-wife and I left the JW's, we were both unfaithful within a few months.

Years later I realised that we had only been faithful to a belief system. Once that was gone, there was no loyalty holding us together. Loyalty and faithfulness had never been allowed to develop naturally between us. That was all just a part of being a JW and nothing to do with our relationship. So it went out the window as soon as we left and proved to all the good dubbies how abominable apostates were. Sad.

Englishman.

scotsman

There's two votes from the Caring professions - one from a ~~neuro-surgeon~~ arrogant b*stard and one from an ~~NHS manager~~ corporate b*stard.

Sorry LT, I had to correct your job titles.

On topic - brief counselling has made a real difference to two marriages of friends. Give it a whirl.

diamondblue1974

I havent disclosed this on here before but here goes anyway.

When my ex wife had her first affair I was none the wiser until she confessed it to one of my best friends at the time; I confronted her about it and she flipped...(like a trapped rat in a corner). Throughout the marriage I was the one who was always accused of having an affair or sleeping around and truth of the matter is I didnt and didnt have any inclination to either; I had female friends who she would accuse me of sleeping with all the time so when I found out and confronted her I was raging.

I did forgive her but within a year or two she was upto old tricks; this time however when i discovered I was little more intelligent about it...I had an investigator follow her and take pictures on various occasions and obtain proof that at least she was seeing someone else; the actual sexual act of adultery I didnt have but a picture of them out about together gave it away given that they were holding hands etc.

I did nothing but keep the evidence safe and also kept my mouth shut...it was clear given the arguments we were having that the relationship was reaching a turning point and I had the trump card should I ever need it; one of the arguments she had was that she wanted to move but I didnt...and she said she was getting another house and I could decide whether or not I followed; I said I wouldnt and that I would stay put in the house; unfortunately I couldnt do this so agreed to sell the house.

She moved out into her new home and I moved elsewhere more convenient for work; but when it came to financial settlement of our affairs I played the trump card...basically she got the majority of our debt and I got the vast majority of proceeds from the sale of the house we sold;

What eased any conscience that I might have had for this was absolved when within 48 hours of her moving in her 60 year old obese and skint manfriend moved in with her.

Moral: Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Crumpet

DB - your 20something wife chose a 60 yearold to move in with? Did she have a granddaddy complex or something?

diamondblue1974

I think she wanted a father figure and or someone that was very pipe and slippers....pipe and slippers I am not and whilst the initial hurt was hard theres now no hard feelings between us... shes moved on, shes happy....and more importantly so am I.

60, fat, skint cant compete with that can I?

DB74

If your mate, had an affair, what would you do ??? really, think it out ...

Share this