If your mate, had an affair, what would you do ??? really, think it out ... (page 7)

Stephen John Gault

Everyone's going "Oh oh - there he goes again." Mmmm...

I walked in my JW GF (not DF'ed yet) in bed with her boss, hurt him badly, though I was smaller than him and much lighter, but it was not the size of the dog in the fight, it was the size of the fight in the dog. The reason why I hurt him was that he defied my existence by being in my apartment, with my girlfriend 6pm at night and couldn't care about my feelings!

No sooner had I left her, when I admitted to myself that she only did what I wished to do too - explore, discover and live, free from sexual repression. I had been so indoctrinated by the JWs that I thought the first girl I touched would get pregnant, I would get VD, my dick would fall off, when I bent down to pick it up my eyes would fall out, and if I tried to kick them away, they would stick to my foot.

I told her about my realization, we got back together, because we loved each other and meant a lot to each other and recognized that society had channeled us into life of deceit. Everyone was doing it and everyone was hiding behind the door. Because I understood why she needed to lie and deceive me, I ceased to hurt, forgave (truly forgave, never to be mention it again, unless in affectionate jest, thanking her for forcing me to face facts).

I removed the reason lie, so she had no more reason to, nor I, as we decided to team up and enjoy other people, with honesty and integrity instead. Did that for a couple of years, but she could never shed the JW shackles entirely, and we had to part. 25 years later, we are still very good friends.

LyinEyes

I couldnt say for sure what I would do. There would be too many thing to take into account. It would go to forgiving and putting it the past, if he was not in love with another woman, and was truly sorry. We are all human and make mistakes, and I would just have too look at all of the circumstances, who it was with, if a child was conceived out ot it,

Life can be strange and throw us loops,,,,,,,, I just can't predict what I would do. Years ago, I would have said I would kill him!! I couldnt have handled it. But now ,I think I would try to keep the marriage in tact , if he was sincere, in actions that he was sorry.

Guess you never know until you face it and look at all the circumstances.

frankiespeakin

Sjg,

Interesting story. I'm glad you two were able to be honest with each other and things worked out for a while atleast.

One question:

I removed the reason lie, so she had no more reason to, nor I, as we decided to team up and enjoy other people, with honesty and integrity instead. Did that for a couple of years, but she could never shed the JW shackles entirely, and we had to part. 25 years later, we are still very good friends.

So when you say she couldn't shake the JW shackles entirely, did she go back to a monogamous relationship or did she find some one else and still kept it open?

I think there will come a time in the future where sex will not be a very important thing as it is today, the reason it is so very important today is because it is repressed, and so the repression makes it more attention getting. So do you think that if a couple are more open to sex between them and others and they get as much as they want of both kinds, do you find the sex drive becomes less because the repression has stopped or at least lessened quite a bit?

jeanniebeanz

Re: If your mate, had an affair, what would you do ??? really, think it out ...

Do you mean before or after I died of a broken heart?

J

frankiespeakin

Lyin,

I think your right, we may think we would do this and that but we never know until we have to face it,, and there are so many variables to consider.

I bet even the people who have said that they would end the relationship more than 1/2 wouldn't. I guess in the end it all boils down to what's most important to you at the time.

EvilForce

Of course no one that has posted an answer on this thread has been the cheater? Do you hold a double standard?

frankiespeakin

Evil,

I think many people may be for thier relationship to be monogomus even if they cheat every once in the while. They will often find excusses for themselves but find it very hard to make excusses for the other person. I'm not saying everyone who is monogomus cheats but those that do feel some justification for it or else they wouldn't do it.

tyler m

I will go on the chopping block and admit I cheated on a long term girlfriend. We were together over 4 years. She forgave me but our relationship was never the same. 1 1/2 years later she cheated on me with her boss at work. She started to confide in him our relationship problems and over the course of that year they got extremely close. She fell in love with him and dumped me. They are married now and expecting a child. It's still painful to think about. If I had not cheated on her I don't think she would have left me for her boss and we would still be together.

stillajwexelder

Still.... To forgive you must forget the injury

Care to tell me how to forget - every time Is ee a TV program or film that shows adultery it reminds me of the pain- every f---g WT article also

OldSoul

Stilla,

You don't have to forget or forgive. But sadly, it is likely you are the only one hurting. Sometimes forgetting is not an option. Then it becomes a matter of determining the impacts you will allow her decisions to have over you.

I just want to add from firsthand experience, saying it is way easier than doing it.

Respectfully,
OldSoul

If your mate, had an affair, what would you do ??? really, think it out ...

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