If your mate, had an affair, what would you do ??? really, think it out ...

by run dont walk 99 Replies latest jw friends

  • stillajwexelder
    stillajwexelder

    I am still suffering many years later for my wifes last affair - I do not think I could go through it again.

  • Sassy
    Sassy

    My first husband did have an affair and although I tried to forgive him and move on.. it was apparent then (when my eyes were finally open) that the probabilty if it happening again was high.. so I left him..

    Now, if there was a real affair.. not just flirting or talking online.. even with my bf.. I'd be gone if I knew there had been sex another woman..

  • frankiespeakin
    frankiespeakin

    I would try to be open minded, and not get angry but try to think of what would help not hurt this person because that is insanity when you lash out to inflict pain, I wouldn't want to do that to myself and I don't think I would want to do it on somebody I have affection for.

    I think if this is what really made my mate happy and provided something I could not I wouldn't forbid it. If I felt they they would be better off together and me playing a 2nd or 4th or whatever I could and still remain good friends. Ideally this is what I would want to do if my love of that person is not possesive and baised on true goodwill.

  • Purza
    Purza
    You really don't know how you will react until you go through it though. Seriously, I felt the same way until it happened to me.

    True. I do not know what I would really do unless I had to go through it. I am a very forgiving person, but I am also stubborn and I just do not think I could be with someone who wasn't faithful. It would be painful either way.

    Purza

  • garybuss
    garybuss

    I'd miss my wife. She makes good goulash.

  • 144001
    144001

    I already know what I'd say, "pick up your bra, and pick up your blouse, and get the hell, out of my house."

  • Why Georgia
    Why Georgia

    My first husband cheated on me repeatedly. I kicked his butt to the curb when I found out. We didn't have any children so it hurt but it was easy because I didn't have to see him ever again.

    Now I'm married...we have 2 wonderful little boys. If Darling Husband cheated I would probably go into a severe crying jag. Then I'd ask the tough questions like does he love her, does he want to be with her...and go from there.

    The kids change the whole thing cause they didn't ask to be here.

  • Golden Girl
    Golden Girl

    Well..secrets out!

    Hubby did have an affair..we were married twenty out of our 45 years..High school reunion..apparently he never got to "Try out" the other love of his life..It was christmas time and I knew he didn't celebrate christmas..but he was doing a lot of "Shopping"..Turns out they had arranged a "Get together" and kept getting together..

    Well I found out where she lived..went over there..found his truck..pulled it in the middle of the street..and left..

    By this time he knew I knew so he knew who moved the truck..

    that lasted about 2 months and she dumped him..he was still living at home..it seems she wanted to make another (Married) guy jealous..

    So I took him back..forgave but never forgot!..

    It got easier after a while..he never strayed again.

    I am glad I forgave him..and I figured our marriage was better for it. Showed something was wrong and we worked to fix it. Plus he was curious because he never got to "Bump" her.. Since we married so young!..And her guardian was so strict...

    If he had kept it up...I probably would have disolved the marriage..the pain would have been too great..

    But I figured everyone deserves at least one chance..And there was a lot at stake..

    Besides SHE made him do it!.. Yeah right!

    But we went on and had 25 more great years after that..so I made the right decision..

    Snoozy..

    Know how I found out? His best friend and his wife told me...

    edited to add...When hubby started going back to the KH..he confessed to the Elders..they had no meeting..just said since it was so long ago it was OK..

  • Ellie
    Ellie

    This would depend very much on the circumstances.

    For me, and I think I speak for a lot of women when I say this, the emotional attachment that happens during an affair is worse than the sex.

    If it was a one night stand then it could probably be forgiven, if feelings come into things then a definate permanent breakup would be called for.

  • frankiespeakin
    frankiespeakin

    I think what some would call "real" or "unselfish love" or perhaps more accurate how unslefish our love was for the other person would determine how we would react.

    If we are very selfcentered then yes I suppose it would hurt greatly to the degree that we are selfcentered, the less selfcentered the less we would hurt.

    Then there is always the question of how much possesion do I claim over this person which has nothing to do with pure unselfish love?

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