Spare the Rod and spoil the child, How did that work for you

by jam 210 Replies latest jw friends

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  mrsjones5

  This topic reminds me of something that happened to my second son Shane when he was two. Shane was a lovely, beautiful, well spoken and thoughtful child at two. I never spanked him. I could correct him without going there and at that time I didn't realized how much he wanted to please his mommie. At the age of 2 years and 10 months I sent Shane along with his brother and sister to California to stay with my parents for 6 weeks. I was was having some difficultly with my last pregnancy and my mother offered to take the kids so I could rest during my last trimester.

  For my Shane this was a big mistake. He wasn't potty trained, so my parents took it upon themselves to pottytrain him. I had no idea they were going to do this and they never told me. I didn't find out until my kids came back and my little Shane asked to talk to me (he's always been a polite little boy - well he's not so little anymore but he's still very polite). My little not yet three old said "papa spanked me cuz I pooped in my pants". Now that honestly floored me. Why in the hell would someone spank a baby because they pooped in their pants? And apparently it bothered him so much that he had to tell his mommie. I told my baby that I would never spank him for pooping in his pants but I think or I know the fear had already been put in my baby's head because since he had gotten back from California he was having accidents all over the place. Daddy daycare accidents. And I got to the point of exasperation so I sat Shane down and said "baby it would make mommie very happy if you could poop in the potty". My baby looked at me and it was like a light went off in his head and he smiled at me. The next time he had to poop he called me after he did it while he was on the toilet and he looked up at me, smiled and said "I made mommie happy." From that day on he was potty trained.
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  Dagney

  I've been thinking about this thread. I was raised old school by older parents, there is almost 2 decades between me and my siblings. I KNOW when I was smacked, not spanked or beaten, I know I deserved it. I was mouthing off, and to this day, I have that respect/fear (sorta) of my mom (gone now). Could it have been handled differently? Yes, of course, with probably the same outcome of respect. But I do not feel damaged because of that...being raised JW yes.

  That being said, it seems sort of barbaric NOW. Times are different. I think the "Nanny" lady has some great ideas in disciplining kids...mostly misbehaving kids just need attention they are not getting. Once that is included daily, behavior seems to change. Generalizing here. But I do see a fair amount of kids being indulged, especially in public places. I "think" kids don't learn what they are supposed to do when they are so indulged and placated with every whim to keep them satisfied. Parents are harried, and kids just as confused. .02.

  Edited to add: I think Mrs. Jones should write a book or blog or something. The kids are wonderful as she describes.
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  Chemical Emotions

  Actually bigmouth, while I don't want to argue, I do undestand the fear you most have felt. Probably not fear, more like terror. However, we need to channel that feeling into contrusctive, effective, non-abusive forms of discipline. It's possible. Not easy, but possible.

  I love cofty's post. And thank you, cofty, for refering to mine.

  I literally just threw up (barely) while reading this whole thread over again. Brings back memories. Little "swats". Boy did those leave an impression. Nothing like knowing that the big person in charge has the right to hit you, and that you have to take it. Doesn't matter if it hurts much or not. Just as long as I knew my place. I wonder what being respected by a parent feels like.
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  mrsjones5

  Hm, I'll ask my kids and let you know. I can't relate cuz I never got and still get no respect from my parents but I make darn sure to respect my kids.
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  Open mind

  Josie and Sean,

  You guys ain't perfect, I'm sure (who is?) but it's been a pleasure getting to know you and yours.

  om
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  jam

  Reading you guys stories it chokes me up, so sad

  that A child have to endure that kind of emotional and

  physical pain. The day the school call me about my youngest

  son (12yrs old), A scar above his left eye. My ex-wife hit him

  with A belt buckle. He lied and told them he fell. He,s 33 today

  and he his turn out to be A good person. I got full custodian

  that day, she A JW pioneer. Thank goodness for the laws today,

  protecting the young.
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  Open mind

  ((jam and son))

  om
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  mrsjones5

  " You guys ain't perfect, I'm sure (who is?) but it's been a pleasure getting to know you and yours."

  Right back at ya OM. I'm glad I got to meet your lovely wife, your son is a great kid with a cool sense of humor, and it was totally cool to hear what a great voice your daughter has.

  Ya done good

  Josie
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  Band on the Run

  We attended a convention in Nova Scotia b/c my mom always wanted to see it. My younger sister was three. First, my father did not feed us for three days. My mom had no funds to buy food. Second, my little sister was bored out of her mind. My mom used to let her play with a small doll as long as she was quiet. The brothers had a fit, though. So she is listening to adults talk about numerology and other wacky adult stuff. She started to swing her legs to entertain herself. A Bethelite and his gf were sitting next to us. They were too familiar with each other for Witnesses. Her feet slightly brushed the chair in front of her. No one could possibly feel it. Mr. Bethel, with the groping hands, removed his belt and handed it to my mom to beat her to death or close to it.. It was physically impossible for my sister not to move. Her brain was not an adult brain.

  The tension was incredible. One thing wasw made very clear when I was young. I could never marry a Bethelite. She had little fear of them. My mom took the belt, swiped the air, and handed it back to the brother with no apologies. She politely said it is my kid and I choose how to discipline her. Mr. Bethel backed down.

  The overwhelming majority of people would remark how adorable my sister was. I don't know where this animus towards children starts.

  What is inspiring is that despite statistics to the contrary, almost all on this thread who experienced beatings and humiliation refused to treat their child in a similar manner.
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  Dagney

  I was remembering a time when I was playing with my dolls and had them lined up sitting like we were at the meeting. ( I know, but it was what I knew.) I took turns jerking them out of the seat and marching to another room, spanking them and told them "I told you to SIT STILL!!" My mother heard this one way conversation and the smacks of me hitting the dolls, and was really taken aback and concerned this is what I was getting from the meetings. But it was.