Hitting is the easy way out for the lazy, brainless parent. Meaningful discipline requires thought, effort and patience, which, unfortunately, many parents lack.
Spare the Rod and spoil the child, How did that work for you
by jam 210 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
King Solomon
The instrument of punishment of choice for my mom was a ping-pong paddle: she didn't have strong arms, and I think it probably gave her tendonitis and hurt her arm more than it hurt our butts. I remember thinking, "wow, it kind of annoying and unpleasant, doesn't it really doesn't even hurt!". I'm no fool: I didn't tell her THAT!
She had to give up the practice when one too many broken ping-pong paddles meant we ALL got punished, because no one could play ping-pong, and money was tight, so it wasn't like we could just run out and buy more. :)
Of course, this was a time before spanking became viewed as something to be avoided; in Texas, spanking was even done in schools by the principal.
I don't know where this animus towards children starts.
Hmmm, I know where.
It's the same place humans for centuries have been instructed to view the Planet as something to gain dominion over, to subdue and to pave, or where they were told that animals are non-thinking, unfeeling creatures that were created simply to be SLAUGHTERED as sacrifices to please God; the Bible is where humanity learned about the curse of Ham (used to justify slavery for thousands of years, until secular laws prohibited the practice).
It's also where they learned YHWH's "thou shalt not kill" applied ONLY to fellow Israelites: the prohibition didn't apply to killing Gentiles. To the contrary, YHWH DEMANDED genocide to wipe out the "others", the heathens (eg Canaanites, Philistines), and raping their women, killing their infants, taking their land. This was not just A-OK, but actually DEMANDED by YHWH. Non-Israelites needn't worry about their basic human rights, since YHWH didn't grant it to them, as non-humans.
Believe me, I could go on about the PURE EVIL that is depicted and endorsed in the OT, and that's the problem with co-opting a corrupt amoral relgious text of another religion to create your own: you inherit it's corrupt roots. While Jesus in the NT attempts to put a new face on it, by focusing on the "love your neighbor" bit, the commandments ALSO apply only to fellow "in-group" members (Xians), only: millions of heathens have been slaughtered in the name of Xianity.
Think that's in the past? Trust and believe that many of the posters here WOULD'VE been killed as apostates, etc, since that's EXACTLY what WAS done in ancient Israel: DFing/shunning was done with rocks, by stoning to death. In fact, some crimes against the land DEMANDED to be retributed with the blood of the person who "polluted the land", threatening the survival of all (according to the superstition). It's only secular (evil man-made) laws that prevent such behaviors nowadays: if they COULD, they WOULD.
Fundamentally, the Abrahamic religions are morally-bankrupt belief systems, as used by Middle-Eastern tribal hunter-gatherers for whom herding animals and growing crops was considered high-tech! No wonder it's so backwards: for crying out loud, the system reflects the moral beliefs of 3,000 yrs ago! Tell me ANYWHERE else in human interactions where we still respect the beliefs from 3,000 yrs ago: <crickets chirping>. Not in science, that's for sure.
Hitting is the easy way out for the lazy, brainless parent.
Yup, but consider who we're talking about: these are people who join a group that demands total compliance to group-think. Anyone with an ounce of capability for independent thought wouldn't even apply, and even if they DID, it wouldn't be long before they ran into issues for being a "stubborn, hard-headed goat".
In fact, there's an active animosity to anyone who shows independent thought, who doesn't comply with expected behaviors, and hence why they try to beat those traits out of their own kids! Quite sad, really, teaching their own children that they'd better not DARE think any differently from the group, or their parents: it becomes a cycle.
Most well-adjusted parents are HAPPY when their children exceed their expectations, and are proud of their accomplishments when they do. Not JWs: it's risky to stick out, and of course the fear is that everyone gets punished because some dares to stand out from the crowd. JWs absolutely WORSHIP the mundane, the mediocre, the unassuming: that's the actual translation for such phrases like, "happy are the meek, for they shall inherit the Earth".
They'll beat a stubborn goat into a meek sheep who's scared of his own shadow, if it's the last thing they do. It allows parents to engage in a battle of wills with their kids, without having to admit it's actually THEIR ego that's being protected by squelching the independent streak of their kids, i.e. "my childhood hopes and dreams and imagination got beaten out of me, squashed like a bug when I was your age, and so will yours".
Sick, with a capital 'S'.
-
Chemical Emotions
I like the last two comments...
-
mrsjones5
When I was child I got spankings (we called them whoopin's). My father would hand out whoopin's if the infractions were serious enough, my mother was more of a willy nilly mood driven spanker. As we got older the whoopin's stopped and the punishments began. There were times when I was grounded for a whole week. Not fun but lesson learned. Funny that we kids used to say we'd rather had the whoopin's cuz they would be over and done with but the groundings seemed to last forever. But know I really hated? The verbal abuse. Being told the I was stupid, good for nothing, being told by my own mother that she regretted having me (even I knew and had been told I was the golden child, the one they waited three years for), being called a slut, ugly, fat, a waste of space, etc.
The pain of the verbal abuse has lasted far longer than any whoopin's I ever got. So with me and my kids it stops right here. I have never verbally abused my children. I tell them every day I love them and I give out daily kisses. My kids don't have to doubt that I love them like I did and still do with my parents. Which is sad cuz I'm 47 years old.
-
Chemical Emotions
Verbal abuse is as bad as physical abuse.
For some people like myself, the physical abuse told me "you deserve being hurt. Your body is not worth being respected. Your body does not belong to you. If you are hit, you should take it" That's what it teaches.You don't have to be told verbally that you're worthless to know that's what they think. The kisses and hugs never made up for being hit.
Some kids turn out fine or mostly fine. Some don't. Same thing with verbal abuse. It depends on the individual. I was called a brat, stupid, bitchy, etc. IT hurt like hell, and still does. But for me, the occasional spanking/slap hurt even more. It didn't last long, but it sent such a horrible message and fucked with my mind for years as I tried to reconcile love and concept of safety in family, with pain and punishments. I seemed fine, well-adjusted on the outside, and most people will never know, including my parents, how much it affected me. They think it was so rare and mild it made no real difference. How clueless they are. I don't want to hurt them o make them mad so I pretend everything's ok. I just pretend. That's all I ever do.
-
mrsjones5
I can see that. It's the same message my dear MIL tried to impart to my husband when she would beat him with fan belts and billy clubs, when she tried to knife him, cut him with a broken bottle and tried to hunt him down to shoot him. My husband had to leave home at 15 to prevent his mother from killing him. She still to this day believes that she should have that kind of control over my husband and the man is 48 years old. So yeah I can see how horrible it is and was for children to be physically abused. And you know what the really f***d up part of my dear MIL's abuse is? She, to this day, thinks she was a good mother.
-
Chemical Emotions
Yikes. That is so sad. And cruel. Who in their right mind...ugh. What a mean woman. >:(
-
mrsjones5
That's it, she's not and I don't think she ever was in her right mind. She loves to tell me that she's crazy and I have no reason not to believe her.
Its a wonder my husband came out of that sane and with his sunny personality intact.
-
wasblind
I don't fault they way many of you feel , especially if you were abused as a child
My mom did not spare the rod either, but because we knew our limit wit her
we avoided many meetin's wit the rod
No I was not abused by my mom, because she didn't look for an excuse to punish us
I guess I was blessed to have a mom as I did
I remember one time when I got into her talc powder, poured it
in my underwear, I wasn't supposed to be in her room
she took her hand and tore my hind parts up, we were both
in a cloud of smoke , I was six, Lucky for me I can look back and laughed
I wish everyone could look back and laugh instead of cry , I really do
but don't compare my life to yours, and accuse me of bein' a bad person
it's all in how your administer a punishment
.
.
-
cofty
it's all in how your administer a punishment
@wasblind - I disagree. Hitting a child is ALWAYS wrong.
Of course beating a child with a big stick in a fit of uncontrolled rage is worse than a light smack administered calmly but both are unacceptable.
Why do you think its ok to hit a child who disobeyed you but not ok to hit an adult? Just yesterday I observed a parent with a boy aged about 14 or 15 who had learning difficulties. He was excitable and noisy and rushing around in a busy street. It was obviously difficult for the parent to communicate with him but he was patient and did a great job. If the dad had hit the lad I would have been incensed and felt compelled to intervene. I am certain any other sensible adult would too. So why are the rules different when it comes to infants?
Society is changing for the better. Hitting children as a form of punishment will one day be history.
@MrsJones - the choice is not between physical or verbal abuse. Its between abuse and acceptable discipline.