Topics Started by Cyn
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22my story
by nelly1 in.
well i tried to do this yest and i lost all of it, :( lot of typing lost, but oh well, i would welcome feedback from anyone who has been through similar things to me, i got the truth 13 yrs ago, and i never felt like i was wanted not really, i was with a man and had 3 kids with him when i came into contact with the witnesses, but he was a pedophile so i found out and had been doing things to our kids since they were born, i ditched him, he walked from 2 high court trials, and no one in my cong cared abt me, they didnt want to know.
said it was in my head, anyway, i struggled for years i hated going to conventions and being ignored by my own cong, it was just me and my daughter on our own all the time trying to serve jehovah, i didnt feel happy but i just wanted to please my god and i just tried my best, i always felt left out and i was never asked to do demos at the hall, its like they were just putting up with me, i was always pulled in for stupid things like the messages i put on my answerphone cuz some stupid stuck up old sister didnt like it.
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Where do I go for help?
by Cyn in.
i have not told my story.. i am batteling depressions......and an abusive home enviornment.....loss ofcareer.......the jw abuses were the worst they went to the very core.... i went through a mjor breakdown... lost faith in god...i fear people...... .
i have seen therapists...some of whom were not able to hel because i was still in the org minset..but after my own research,,,,,i end up teaching the therapists abt cults and hig control groups....... i am tired fo struggling.........if i see a pastoral counselor they will veer me towards religion....i used to believe in jesus before the org...i pray and see no answers......i have no friends......i have a siter and mother............both of whom help with finances as i loss my heath and career but they are pasrt of a long history if dysfunction....... .
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5
HAve medications helped?
by Cyn in.
i need to know if anyone here feels that antidepressants help........ and what type of therapy helps with the jw issue and ptsd................. also does anyone know about bipolar2.....i read a lot through many years even while in ther org...............but i get so many viewpoints........some ppl tell me to pray....i have alll my life!
many say use herbs..................................but am getting very confused........i have had depressions jw abuse issues...the crashing of my belief system and loss of faith also further abuse from family........loss of career.....harasssment........... .
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39
Devil's appearance in WT literature
by stichione ini just got the october 15th 2002 issue of the watchtower magazine.
on pages 8 and 9 we see a caption reading " jesus firmly opposed the devil".
jesus is standing there pointing at a slouching, hooded man.
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Barbara Coloroso's new book about Bullying
by Scully inthe bully, the bullied, and the bystander is the title of a new book by well-known writer barbara coloroso.i went to the book launch last evening and thoroughly enjoyed listening to barbara coloroso's presentation.
she's a very animated speaker, despite the heavy subject matter.
the book itself will be a valuable source of information for parents and educators alike.. what i thought was quite fascinating was the way she described bullying and the psychology behind it.
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23
My short time WITH and AS a JW
by pincushion inmy name is 'pincushion', i reside in alberta.
in 1989 i started studying with the jw's.
i was really drawn to the 'truth' and after much trial and tribulation i was baptised in 1991 during a lethbridge assembly.
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why exjws have VEHEMENT disagreements at times
by Cyn injust a few thoughts..... i noticed that a lady named crystal posted her views.....and many people got upset....i did as well....part of me knows that taking responsibilty for my own life is important... and i have tried but also battle all my life....in fact i called to complain about the mail being late just today...and the supervisor's name is battle...to which i ( with my anaylytical bipolar mind ) reacted.......... i thought ," gee i battled allll my life but is could be taken as battle for youe life"... anyway....my original point was about why ex jws vehemently disagree... i remember when i saw and expereinced abuses in the org..and when i asked "sisters" and " brothers' for validation ( am i right or wrong?????
) some would agree then get frighetend and avoid me remember how we were warned against murmuring and how often so as not to appear unloving many people would use inuendoes or roll their eyes or play any number of mind games......( very loving that).
expressing honestly and openly was , for the most part, not safe so i think that many exjws having been repressed as to free expression are more prone to let it all out... and disagree vehemently......... just a few thoughts.
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4
laying a foundation
by Cyn in.
it is 5:14 am and i have not slept...my pattern of sleep has reveresed ..but i will do my best to lay a foundation for the rest of my story.. it is long so i will cut corners and by the ned ( if i get there) i hope that some people will remember most of it...i am hoping this will help me heal .. to begin with... i had depression as a child ....call it sadness..children do not have the vocabulary or understanding with which to label things.and they more often than not internalize and take blame for what may be considered abuse.....as a child i was rather aware and analytical.. this sadness came from my own genetics and living with an erratic ( bipolar pehaps father) and a depressive mother.....no one knew!
i felt somethung was wrong but as i voiced it in my teens i became the bad one...dad was verbally abusive and mom backed him up due to her own" stuff" mom hispanic abd catholic dad was a non practicing jew..........mom was raised to be super resonsible and to take crap from her husband,,,her own father being an alcoholic,,,,,,,along the way many major family tragedies occured........mom was always praying and " accepting her lot in life"........ i felt a loss and hole in my chest and i asked god begged god to help me to be a father to me.......when we went to the woods i used to talk to the trees and nature and look up at the sky and just know that there was a benevolent 'someone" looking out for me.... as i got older i serached for the right way to find god....i felt that once i found this then all woud be well.......... i read about many "christian" religions read parts of the bible led my life like a nun.... i investgated pentocostal churches that are referred to as legalistic nowadays......( i am over 40).......i looked at the cathoilics even asked questiosn of a priest and he failed he test...........i ahd never been bapstized and i wanted it to be the absolutly right place.........as if i were marrying god............i am depressive posisibly bipolar2.....i have read where some illness manifest in obsssions with religious things .....( god ) ........perhaps it is so .....but so many i knew in various groups seemed to be sure and seemes to not suffer as i .........my mother;s respnse to me sadness was to take me to a spiritualist and i knew at that time this was like a pysch doc to her culture.......... there is more abt my childhood much much more....but i will end this bt saying that the stage was set for me to enter a high control group.... as my father and mother were both patriaachial mom being sooooooooo passive submissve........... just a note: dysfunctional groups ( systems) resemble each other.......... .
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Okay here goes....My Story. Long but true.
by Lin inplease bear with me through this, this could likely become lengthy.
i feel it's time for me to give you my story as a dub.
i was born and raised in an extremely "hardcore", strict witness home.
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I am new to this site.... I wish to tell my story.
by Cyn inmy name is cynthia... i have had depression as a child ( undiagnosed ) father was possibly bipolar and mother is depressive both undiagnosed.....my journry into the org along with how the depression became a mental breakdown , which i thought was jehovah removing his spirirt.
my sruggle with the elders......and the many ways and people i sought help from.....well it is all a long story......... included in it.
jws i have known with mental health issues.......breakdowns.......psych docs have had discussed this with........ i would like to relate my story.....i was so ill..nearly catotonic i did not go to a hospital but if i relate how i felt.........it was clear...... how i was afraid of crossing the street because the green light may have been really a red light and i was told so often by the elders that my thinking was wrong...... ie " they were showing love by isolating me ( a depressed person) because i needed to be active and i was not complying..they said they tried ll that they coudl when in reality it was i always i that reached out to them ( thinking they were chosen of god)...... well..i just gave a sampler....my story is very long...i have been tenatious i read so much ( even before becoming a jw ) about depression and dysfunctional families... i was a teacher did not gte my ma ..people here know why i am sure..... well...before i write this story of mine...i would like to ask..if i can do it in intallments........those i relate my story to say i should write a book..........i am not " out of the woods yet".........by the way.......i came to the point that i could not leave my room..... i live in nyc and i was able to speak to bethel elders including g. gangus.... i was very sincere......naive idealistic.............i asked qiestions thinking that surly god understood ...that my motives were good... .
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