Posts by beckyboop

24

Dealing my own sexual abuse

by Valis in

i've mentioned it a few times, but between the ages of 5-7 i had my two female cousins living with me.

my parents were doing them a favor by letting them live there, but what they didn't know was the prior sexual abuse and molestation by members of their/our family...well, it is in my opinion the trickle down theory of abuse and i also know and remember doing some of the same things with my own siblings even a couple years after they weren't there any more.. i often ask myself.

am i responsible for that?

beckyboop

((((((((((((((((((((((VALIS))))))))))))))))))))))))

Kudos to you for first of all recognizing the abuse in your family, and more importantly being able to talk to others about it. It takes a lot of guts to talk about the "negative" things from our family histories, but it seems to me like that's the best way to keep the same shit from happening again. And there are many people here on jwd as well as all over the world who've had to deal with similar issues--hopefully the things said will continue to help you learn as well as help others too.

It seems like most of us have had some form of child abuse in the past, but that more and more people are willing to make the effort to break the chains of abuse by talking about things openly and get help when needed. Thanks for sharing what's obviously a very painful subject--and please keep trying to get past the machismo because IMO you seem much better off without it.

Becky

20

Mom's Being Guilted to Shun Me

by Lutece in

i thought my mom would never change, that she'd never really go along with the shunning, but last night she wouldn't let me stay to eat at their house when my dad made dinner.

my parents and i have been close all our lives, we've been through a lot together and for her to say that she has to be getting a lot more counsel from the elders.

she is being guilted into shunning me, hoping it will help me eventually come back to the truth.

beckyboop

(((((((((Lutece)))))))))

So sorry to hear about your shunning--it really sucks doesn't it? Just this past weekend my younger sister got married and didn't invite me. I'm not as close to my family as you obviously are, but I'd like for things to be better. It is so hard to fathom how they can justify in their minds that SHUNNING could possibly be loving in any way.

I hope you can continue to keep your family close to you, hopefully not so much that they can hurt you again so badly though. Although I personally feel like it's important to keep the lines of communication open with jw family, I can't do it at the expense of my own happiness and sanity. And I feel the only way that happens is if I give them the power to do so. I'm currently in a quandary about this, but am sure I can figure it out--and reading others' experiences helps tremendously.

Thank you for sharing--I hope things work out for you. I think as long as we love them, somehow it will work out.

Becky

PS. You mentioned your divorce went through? How are you doing? I remember reading some of your experience about your situation, so I'm interested in how your life is up to this point.

20

Death anxiety......ever happen to you?

by shotgun in

the other night i'm in bed trying to fall asleep with my tornado of thoughts swirling this way and that and for no apparent reason i started to have an anxiety attack thinking about death.

it was easy to accept so many things about death when you believed it's never going to happen or that if it does i'll be back..just like arnold.. when i speak to non-dubs they don't seem to experience it as much because death has always been an accepted part of life to them.. i can't go back to thinking like a dub and i admit i'm a non-bible believer now and not even sure about the existence of god..at least not the biblical one.

so i guess i can only look forward to a long healthy life and hope that the last thing i see before i die is the face of my daughter holding her grandchild.. have many of you had this anxiety attack after leaving the borg?.

beckyboop

Yes, especially on 9/11. That day was such a turning point in my mind, because I had to make a conscious decision in what I KNEW in my heart to be true--that it wasn't armageddon, that I wasn't a bad person who was going to die at the hands of the oh-so-loving Jehovah. (my father saying "This is it, this is it" kinda helped in a weird sort of way) I have had many other times where I thought about it over and over; but when something like that happens and you have to actively and with full consciousness change your mind, it helped open up my thinking process. Every little thing like that helps me shed another layer of JW type thinking.

Last year though, I lost my older brother, my uncle, and my grandmother (they didn't even call me about my grandma)--within about 6 months. Although I wasn't very close to them for various reasons, I still had to deal with their loss--especially when I see my niece and nephew, or my aunt, or even worse, my mom. I know in my heart that although I'm sad, the ones that died are now ok--wherever/whatever that might be. My brother's life was a very sad one, and it was no surprise (unfortunately) to me when I was contacted with the news.

I certainly think about death NOW though in a totally different way--but probably about the same amount as before. I am not afraid of it at all, because it's something that I pretty much have no control over (unless I choose it). I am much more interested in figuring out how not to FEAR it when it does happen to people I know and love--but somehow embracing it. Thanks for such a thought provoking topic--it certainly struck a chord in me tonight.

Becky

20

Advice needed on headache and muscle pain relief

by LyinEyes in

jw
friends

this week starting last saturday, i have been having a severe migraine or tension headache.

i have tmj and fibromyalgia,,,,,,i have been treated for all of these things.

right now , nothing is working, i mean nothing.

beckyboop

ZEV,

Personally, I like both of our suggestions! So next time you get a headache, give us a call and we'll share.

Becky

20

Advice needed on headache and muscle pain relief

by LyinEyes in

jw
friends

this week starting last saturday, i have been having a severe migraine or tension headache.

i have tmj and fibromyalgia,,,,,,i have been treated for all of these things.

right now , nothing is working, i mean nothing.

beckyboop

(((((((((((((DEDE))))))))))))))))

Although someone already mentioned it, chiropractic care is one of the most effective and preventative methods I've ever seen/experienced to get rid of headaches. As you probably know, pain medication is only covering up the symptom--not actually relieving it. My boyfriend is a chiropractor, and one of his reasons for going into it was because his own father had horrible migraines, but once he went to a chiropractor they stopped.

I also work in my boyfriend's office from time to time, and have witnessed many people with various aches and pains get relief by a simple spinal readjustment. Think about it--when your car is out of alignment your tires wear out unevenly. Our bodies are very similar, and unfortunately with bad habits like sleeping on stomachs and lifting/bending/turning incorrectly we continually put stress on our spines. Once we get out of alignment, pressure is put on our nerves and causes pain (commonly like headaches & sciatica).

I personally tend to have back problems because of a large chest, and I also get some headaches and a lot of moodiness because I sleep on my stomach. This causes specific nerves to be compressed which in turn affects my moods and can cause pain--but as soon as I get adjusted I'm fine again. (I know I need to be doing either yoga or pilates to strengthen my spinal muscles--then I wouldn't need a chiro as much)

Anyway, I didn't mean to rant--I've just seen it action and wanted to share. I hope you get some relief from your pain soon!

Love,

Becky

54

I need a drink...

by Vivamus in

jw
friends

i feel so down.

i am beginning to think i am the kind of person that just walks away from their problems, instead of confronting them.

when people hurt me, i will hardly ever show it, voice my feelings or anything.

beckyboop

((((((((((((((((((((((((VIV))))))))))))))))))))))))

Sorry your feeling a little down--dealing with others is a tough one, especially when we feel it's "easier" to keep it all inside. Hopefully you have someone you can talk to honestly, so you can process some of it instead of just bottling it.

Anyway, enough of my 2 cents--I'll share a whisky slush with you and some "smoke" (actually vapor). Hope you have a great evening!

Becky

52

The reality of obesity

by Lady Lee in

jw
friends

when i was a jw there were a few sisters i knew who had serious weight problems.

i now have a couple of friends who are obese.

i have a weight problem also (about 40 pounds over my best weight).. i was out with my girlfriend today.

beckyboop

((((((((((((((((Lady Lee and everyone else)))))))))))))))))

Thanks for posting such a wonderful article! There are so many people out there (me too) with weight issues (too much or too little), and I believe there are a lot of contributing factors to that. It's sad though that many people still want to pre-judge others based on appearances (myself included at times unfortunately). I'm finding though that the more people I meet and get to know the easier it is to see the real them--no matter the exterior.

I personally am very interested in eating according to blood type. It seems to really "hit the nail on the head" regarding why one diet can have such a varied response among people. IMO, if the food we ARE putting into our mouth slows down our blood, has specific lectins that we cannot digest, cause weight gain/loss etc., then by simply redefining what's good for our individual bodies we can make huge changes.

Thanks again for this topic--it's helping me to get motivated again to take care of myself better. I just wish I wasn't so easily derailed sometimes. Posts like this one always help!

Becky

22

Do you still love your relatives/friends who shun you?

by HadEnuf in

jw
friends

as i was participating in my daily duties of domestic slavery i got to ruminating about my mom, sister and brother who are shunning me (even though i am neither df'd of da'd).

i got to thinking to myself that i don't really miss them all that much.

in fact; i almost feel that i have lost the abundance of love that i once felt for them...well, except for my brother who i have never gotten along with anyway.

beckyboop

Yes, very much, and it still hurts because I don't know yet how to "have my family in my life" in whatever small way, but not let their judgments get to me. I know I will always love them and would accept them at any time, but I feel a certain separation helps me to grow and move forward and not remain bitter about my past.

I appreciate your starting this topic very much because I moved away from my family--from Kentucky to Rhode Island. It's been an interesting life change, because they don't have the same "control" over me here, and I'm better off for it. I miss them very much, and I'm still learning from my own past mistakes in my dealings with them. Because when I left the jw's, I also got divorced; so I know that I shook up their world as well as my own.

All I know for sure though is what somebody here already said--I love them and always will and I won't let my anger at my past get in the way of that anymore.

Becky

24

Handling anger badly

by Billygoat in

jw
friends

last night neil and i snuggled up on the sofa to watch a movie over a left over dinner.

we had both worked late and were tired.

we wanted to just relax and not think.

beckyboop

(((((((((((((((ANDI)))))))))))))))))) AMEN, I hear you as I'm sure many others here do also. We were NEVER taught that anger was a perfectly acceptable response, that it just needs to be expressed healthily...instead, many of us were beaten many, many times for our own parent's inability to express THEIR anger healthily. I have read many things about this myself because I too am slowly working on this--and one book I have found extremely helpful is Harriet Lerner's "Dance Of Anger". In fact, I think it's so good and it hit so home with me that I can only read it in small doses...and I'm not finished :) Thanks for sharing, because when someone puts those feelings and fears into eloquent words--it really strikes a chord inside. Hope you continue to work through it and share. Becky Becky

24

Do you regret ever getting baptized

by ikhandi in

jw
friends

thousand of witnesses do it every year and for what they believe are good reasons.

i did it because i was pressured by elders.

its interesting to note how elders can target young people into committing their life to something they really know nothing about.

beckyboop

Great topic! (I had to get that out first thing so I wouldn't forget by the end...;). Do I regret it, no, because in my experience I'm learning to LEARN from my past choices, bad or good. Do I think it sucks that while I was at the assembly about to be baptized (at 17 years) I wondered deep inside "what the hell am I doing here?"--yes. I also think it sucks that I knew myself well enough at 13 to not get baptized at 13 like the rest of my friends did. But, the worst part of it IMO, is that young people choose to baptize themselves into one faith or religion when there's an entire world of viewpoints and differing cultures and beliefs out there to be explored first. It seems somewhere along the way we lose our emerging sense of the world around us, and we get roped into a particular way of thinking without truly experiencing life first. Becky