I thought about if I should post this...
I recall the first time I heard God.
I had spoken, well, YELLED at Him many times and never heard anything back, wonder why eh?
I always had so much rage and anger against what I THOUGHT God was, so much rage against the "absent father" that he was, how he had turned his back on Us, how he was the total opposite of love, God to me, was INDIFFERENCE, God didn't care.
I won't go into to much detail, but I was reading a book on day, a book recommended by my wife, I book that if it was recommended by anyone else I would have told them where to shove it.
I read a part of the book that embodied ALL the issues I had with God, embodied all the rage and nager I felt at God.
I wept with tears of rage.
I read "God's answer".
I collapsed in tears and sorrow and a pain I had never felt before.
The, suddenly, that anger and pain and rage was gone and I felt peace and I heard a voice, soft, gentle, loving, all encompassing, from everywhere and all wound me, a voice that simple answered the question that I truly had in my heart and that voice said, simply, " I have always been here, I love you".
Sorry...I not sure I can go on...