by thecrushed 147 Replies latest members private
It's a big mistake trying to deprogram a JW in 5 minutes. My wife has been gradually listening to bits and pieces for over 12 months. She's at the point where she will actually listen to what I'm saying, rather than shutting off.
It takes the average JW many years to become indoctrinated with Watchtower thinking. It takes some time to ease out.
i tried for five years to wake her up...nothing worked...she refueses to allow herself to question anything...anything at all....drove me nearly insane....ok it drove me insane for awhile....it came down to a final showdown of sorts...awful day....and now i have lost all my life long friends....my parents....a good wife in so many ways....a small fortune and all of my retirement and i get to pay alimony for at least eight years...we were neither one happy with the one in one out thingy....sepaprate social lives are not what a real marriage is about....it sucks....so although it cost me a ton....there is just no going back for me...maybe with some type of hypnosis i could do it lol....you just cant unlearn things and yes i love the freedom of thought and actions i now have...but what a price to pay......good luck.....oompa
the last thing i told her that day was to remember how hard i tried...i told i would have tried just as hard to rescure her from a burning building...sometimes they still have to help themselves some....both my adult sons are dfd now...one preceded me by many years...thank god i never shunned him....but my younger one still wants back in just to lose the df label for fam and friends....he no longer believes...hates the rules...and hopes to fade without moving away????....they will never leave him alone trust me...he will figure out the process in his own time i hope
well i think my gig is about up. my wife has started her crying spells again last nite and this morning she was cold as ice. i also got a chilling voice mail from an elder saying that he wanted to discuss what my real thoughts are. he was just vague enough to keep me from being able to be prepared.
Lately she has been reading the "Remain in God's Love" book and her mood always changes to cold as ice after. I think her mother suggested she read that book. Must be some very powerful propaganda in that one. I don't remember studying it. Anyway it is as people say. I see her reading that 90% of the time and bible very little. She see's me reading the greek interlinear along with the Strong's Concordance and she keeps asking me what I hope to find out. It's making her very suspicious or curious or both because I've given up looking at WT books and rags and gravitated to just the bible. I guess it really is true that the cult doesn't want you just reading the bible.
Crushed- Time to man up. Delete the elders voicemail. Don't reply. Deny you got the message if he confronts you. Tell him you need some space and time right now if he persists, and be firm about it. No pearls before swine. (All of this with the idea that you are trying to avoid DF, if you don't care anymore just let him have it)
Your right about that book, one of the worst ever from the WTS. Should be called "Keep Yourselves in Love With the WTS" The back has the latest explanations of their most disgusting doctrines, ie blood and shunning.
Crushed, How much do you have in common with your wife outside of the watchtower organization? The answer to that question may help you determine if your relationship is really worth fighting for in the long run.
It sounds like your wife is really digging in her heels, and she is really on to you. That book she is a real bad one, it lays on the guilt sooo thick.I remember wanting to vomit as we went through that one during the meetings.
I'm not sure where your energy level is at, but if it's getting low, you might consider punting, and just go the DA route so you can start enjoying your remaining days.
@thecrushed: Thanks for your PM mate. I thought I would reply here so that if there was anyone else in a similar situation, they can read it along with the other comments.
The Remain in God's Love book is a RULE BOOK. It is just rule after rule after rule and is even more of a brainwash read that the Bible Teach book.
There are two courses open to you - the F#@! You path and the Help Me path.
The F#@! You path is where you make a stand, lay it all out and take the consequences that come. They will be severe and it will no doubt be a stressful time.
The Help Me path is where you appeal for help. You say "I'm looking at this because I am struggling to understand X point." Ask them to help you understand. Make sure it is a real toughie that you know is not easily explained. You say you are reading the Interlinear and Strong's because you can't get your head around a certain thing. There are some examples sprinkled throughout JWN. Do a search for "Interlinear" and there are a few threads with scans and quotes of discrepancies between what is in the Greek and what is in the NWT. Take the path that you are not up to anything, but rather trying to genuinely find answers (which is exactly what you are doing right?). When Mrs TheCrushed and Brother Suspicious can't give a satisfactory answer to you, keep on with your search. Don't be a threat. Slowly but surely, you may be able to make inroads. But also, maybe not. We must be realistic.
It all depends on what sits best with you. You must think seriously about each, as they each have pros and cons.
Most important of all though, continue to reassure your wife of your love. When I began to question things, one of Mrs Winston's biggest fears was that I was going to uproot and walk away from the religion and throw away everything that had been dear to us for 25 years. This may be how Mrs TheCrushed is feeling and her recent actions may be her reaction to the situation - rightly or wrongly.
When I quietly and calmly explained that there some things I just couldn't understand Mrs Winston could see why I couldn't understand them. She, on her own began to look and try and find the answers and eventually came to see the flaws in the logic and reasoning used by the WTS.
I can only speak from my personal experience. This was our experience. I hope, my friend that this all works out with a positive outcome for you and your family.
Take care, look after yourself, and hang in there.
WS
I wish I could be as Anondude2 and make fools of the elders in the JC but I cannot sacrifice so much yet. I desire more than anything to free my wife from this destructive cult on a healing path. STUDY STUDY STUDY! is what I will do for a long time.
thecrushed: i also got a chilling voice mail from an elder saying that he wanted to discuss what my real thoughts are.
Ignore it. Once you realize that the religion is a sham you also realize that you are under absolutely no obligation to recognize their "authority" because it is illegitimate. You owe them nothing; in fact, to my way of thinking, the WTBTS owes US big time for lying and giving false hopes which they cannot fulfill and their God is not going to make happen.
thecrushed: Lately she has been reading the "Remain in God's Love" book and her mood always changes to cold as ice after.
If you're up for the challenge, maybe you could read it with her or in parallel. Now that you're really awake, you'll easily see the contradictions, the lies and deceptions, the manipulative language and the false "reasoning" used to further their propaganda.
Finally, and with all due respect to WinstonSmith, I totally disagree with his position that the "FUCK YOU" or the "HELP ME" paths are your only two options. You have many other choices. I would suggest you consider completely ignoring the elders and refusing to meet with them. You can be polite and firm if they confront you, but they cannot force you to do or say anything against your will. You are in control in that relationship. On the other hand, how you handle your relationship with your wife is much more tricky. Of course if you say or do anything that she construes as apostate she may inform the elders (you can caution her to keep what you two discuss between yourself) but even if she does you still don't have to talk to the elders. It'd be hard for them to proceed against you judicially based solely on her testimony. Even if they do, then she will see first hand what they are REALLY all about. That might be the thing to get her to wake up!
Best wishes,
00DAD
